Hey, all. After a LONG hiatus, I’ve decided to return to blogging. Long story short, I’m lazy. But every now and then I have something to say, so every now and then I’m going to say it.
I have a confession to make. I am a son of thunder. Or daughter, I guess. Remember John and his brother James, in Luke 9, asking Jesus if they should call fire down on those who didn’t welcome him? Um, sometimes that’s me. When I see Christians beheaded, I want justice. Or vengeance. Or just for it to stop. Same with humans harvesting baby parts. Or Christians having their businesses shut down to appease current world views. Jesus said “Father, forgive them.” I say “Fire. Gonna take fire. Let’s fix this all right now.”
Obviously, I’m not proud of this. I get that I have been treated with compassion by Jesus, and I should pass that along. Honestly, I do. But then I face the evil of this world, and I get impatient and ahead of myself and want God to end the hard stuff, the evil stuff, today. I want everyone to understand who God is, to respect and honor him. I am trying to defend God and see that he is treated right.
Well, recently God has been working on me in this area. First, I hit upon Galatians 6:7: Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. Here’s the thing. God is not mocked. I look around, and it seems like God is being mocked. It feels like the Kingdom is being hindered. But God says no, he’s got this. It’s all under control. Each person who spits in the face of God will one day understand his actions. Either that person will know it here, on this earth, and repent and come to salvation, or he will know it after death, and there will be eternal negative consequence. Nobody is getting away with anything. The Kingdom is not stumbling. Evil is not prevailing.
Oh, I think. If I know that justice will prevail, why don’t I use compassion for outcome one, that people repent here and spend eternity basking in God’s love? Do I have even one excuse for not wishing that outcome on everyone? No.
This week, I came to a clearer understanding of my motives and thought processes. I learned it from my Chihuahua Sparrow. Sparrow is almost two, and he thinks he is the leader of our pack. And honestly, that stresses him out. He is a dog, so he expects us to behave like dogs, but we don’t. We walk out the door without his permission, and he worries himself to death thinking he’s lost us. He tries to protect us, but we keep doing dumb things that he can’t protect us from, like getting in cars and talking to strangers at the door and loving on the neighbor cats. Trying to lead a pack of humans was killing my poor dog.
So, I am now exerting control. And Sparrow is calming down. The world makes more sense. He can relax, because I will do the protecting. The leader can leave the house and return, because she’s the leader. The leader can talk to strangers, because she has the power to defend herself against them. The leader provides food at the right time, comfort, warmth, and everything good, and the low dog on the pole–he can play and sleep and simply enjoy the security that comes from having a strong leader.
I’m sure you see where I’m going with this. I was trying to be God’s pack leader, but he kept doing things that made no sense to my human brain. Loving unlovable people, letting terrible laws be passed, not sweeping in and making the world perfect on my timetable. I was trying to protect him, but he doesn’t need my protection. I make a terrible pack leader for the Creator of the Universe.
However, he makes an excellent pack leader over me. I can rest in peace, because he’s got this. He provides food. He provides warmth and comfort. Whoever he brings into my life– I can just love on those people, because he’s guarding the door. Events around me that seem like failures–he’s the leader. If he says it’s all good, then it’s all good.
So. I’m still working not to be a daughter of thunder, just as Sparrow is still working to turn over his reins to me. But both of us have tasted the peace that comes from taking one’s rightful place. For me, I hope the result is unfettered compassion toward those who are dying. For Sparrow, I hope it leads to many peaceful days of him curled in my lap. Because in the end, there is no joy when we aren’t who God made us to be, and I have been robbing myself of joy long enough.
Check out my author site www.JillPenrod.com for my fiction books.